I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
