The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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