I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
