He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
