Welp...herpes.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
