I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
