I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
