things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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