That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
