If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
