She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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