I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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