Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
