You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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