I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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