he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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