we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
