You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
