You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
