Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
