saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I accidentally burped into my bong.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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