Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
