There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
