If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
