Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
