Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
