No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
