My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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