We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
