U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
