I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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