I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
