took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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