Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
