so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
