I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
