dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
