I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
