i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
