I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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