Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
