I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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