I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
