I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
