You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
