we have officially lost it.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
this is an emotional support booty call
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
