I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
