please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
