I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
