Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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