I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
ok first of all what the fuck
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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