dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's never too late to be topless.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
