Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
