I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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