BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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