How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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