I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I cannot find my penis.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
