Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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