I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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