we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
